Don't be mad, be merciless.

Songs songs songs.

Skips.

It's almost Christmas!

I'm gonna find someone someday who might a c t u a l l y treat me well.

This is a big world.

I guess sometimes things can disappear as fast as they appeared, be taken from you as quickly as you first received them.

Maybe it's the intensity that really leaves you feeling like some part of you was also ripped away, and you only had, barely enough to hang on.

Another night, another dream wasted on you.

Another December first has come, and is passing.
It's been five days, is it wrong to say I already miss you? I don't get it.
I don't want to feel disposable and unworthy, but what do you want? What do you want from me?! I just want to know you, to talk to you, to listen to you.
But do you know what it's like? To want to love without the fear of being unloved? To give up friendships, or even to put a little extra effort into how you look?
Sometimes I think it's better to stay alone, and to not try and find love. Seemingly it always ends up wrong.

Try to break me down, shut me in, your so called love is wearing thin.

I just don't want to be disposable to you. I don't ask for much, I won't ask for much.
But I don't want to be kept in the dark. Don't mess with me. I've had enough of that in life. You either like me or you don't. Don't mess with me.

London looks so sad today.

I guess I just feel stuck. Stuck right in the middle of wanting to settle down, and wanting to keep living the single life, because that's all I know how to be. I don't know how to settle down.

Unrequited love, you'll always have the best of me.

I'll elaborate when I am not dead tired.

Darlin', if you're wondering, here's your answer: yes, I like you, I don't love you, I can't love you... yet.

I'm pretty sure the title says enough. I don't feel like elaborating on anything I'm thinking or feeling at the moment.
:)

Tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone.

At this point, all I can do is suck it up, pretend it doesn't hurt, and charge forward. Things will work themselves out at some point, I hope...

'Nuff said, KT.

Under this national rain cloud
I'm getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don't know where to begin
And it's simply irrational weather
Can't even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still like I'm gonna sink
Coz I'm under the weather
Just like the world
So sorry for being so bold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home
You say you feel like a natural person
You haven't got nothing to hide
So why do you feel imperfection
Cut like a sword in your side
Coz you're under the weather
Just like the world
And I need somebody to hold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home
Coz I'm under the weather

So go on and tear it up.

I wish I could find some form of peace within myself here. Truth is, I've never realized how much you messed me up, and it never hit me until now. I'm sure I'll be waiting a long time to feel real again. Can't love, can't hurt.

Now I know Why All The Leaves Change In The Fall

Packing is a sad process, full of nostalgia coated memories. I've always kept stuff, like, random stuff. I know a lot of people do, but I'm just throwing it out there, I'm one of those people. Whenever I keep something from one of my adventures, I keep it with the intent of it reminding me of that moment. Rarely do I remember precisely what adventure these objects are connected to, but that's besides the point. So what I'm getting at, today I was packing up some more stuff to move to London, and I found a dried up giant maple leaf. Clearly from one of my expeditions into the Harrow bush, it struck me then how fast a month goes by now. Compared to when your little, when all you look forward to is holidays, your birthday, summer vacation, etc, and even a week seems to take forever to go by, now months fly by, no matter what you're occupying yourself with. They say time flys when you're having a good time, which I guess makes sense, once you're older, you have a clearly definition of what a good time to yourself is, and you generally have more say in what you do.

So months fly by, seasons fly by. Seasons have always been the most prominent physical evidence that days are passing. I'm just looking back on highschool, a generally good experience for me. I love my friends, and I love all the things we've done. And now we're all about to go to college and university. So I was standing in my room, staring at this dried up leaf from an Autumn who knows how many years ago, and it struck me just how often people, myself included, are constantly saying "I can't wait for ______!" and "I can't WAIT for _______!" And usually, it's something a person is really looking forward to. But it shocked me to think of how much time we waste in anticipation for important events to come. Really, I can't count how many times I've wished away time in order to arrive at some date or another, which is completely silly. Regardless of how much a person "can't wait" for something to happen, it's going to happen. I've realized how much more I should be appreciating every second of every day, because things are never the same as they were yesterday. Truth is, I CAN wait to go to college. I CAN wait to move out of town. I CAN wait for Christmas (lol). I'm not saying I'm not absolutely PUMPED for these things to happen, I'm just putting it out there, I'm content with whatever I have right now. And you would be too, if you got to look over at Smokey sound asleep on my bed. He's a cutie. :)

Back to packing, PEACE&LOVE. -Scorch.

Music, the great communicator?

Seems to me that music keeps finding a way to just make everything hurt ten times more. Everything is too relateable.

Superstitions And Bunny Eggs.

Apparently, giving someone a knife set is bad luck, and so the person who gets the knives has to pay the giver a quarter. So they're paid for? :)

All This Time I was Wasting Hoping You Would Come Around.

So update. I'm going to Fanshawe in London for Pharmacy Tech in the fall. Holy moly I'm PUMPED!

"I am a woman. I will dominate or be destroyed."

It's my life.

So, despite the large fact that I'm not really religious, I decided to give up a few things anyhow because of "lent", more so for the test of willpower. I'm thinking, cookies, popcorn, and anything over 300 cals per serving. I think that should cover most junk. I also considered giving up thinking dirty vulgar thoughts about certain boys, but like that could EVER happen. ; )

Holy gorgeous bum! , Love -Scorch.

Quotes

Here's some quotes from my FB profile that I'm taking off, but would like to remember.

"Only a masochist could love such a narcissist." -Blair Waldorf
"Following the light of the sun, we left the old world." - Christopher Columbus

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be; The people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want." - Merideth Grey

"Write, & find ecstasy in writing! Work, & be our bed in working! Thrill with the joy of life & death! Ah! thy death shall be lovely: whososeeth it shall be glad. Thy death shall be the seal of the promise of our age long love. Come! lift up thine heart & rejoice! We are one; we are none." -The Book of the Law

"every song ends but thats no reason not to enjoy the music" - one tree hill

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." -WINNIE THE POOH

"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away. "-Merideth Grey

"Metal will always be a culture of outsiders."

Ashley: "shutup you ugly lady i dont like to hear you talk" Me: "are you talking to me?"

"If you're lucky enough to be different from everybody else, don't change." - Taylor Swift

I'm not scared of what love gave me and took away.

You're a bitch. You're a big mother fucking bitch. You'll get what's coming to you. You said you were great at reading people, well maybe some people are naive, but I'm not. Maybe some people are content to breathe in and soak up your fake praises while you bash others into the ground. Well I see right through you, always have. Go fuck yourself. You said you distrust me? DITTO. Honestly never have, and the few times I have, were moments of weakness. Sup bitch.

Oh, and people really only like you because they're scared of you, good for you. :) At least I'm not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking.

And then you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all.

"Mom, it's snow. Not a fucking meteor hitting the earth!"

Good ol' brother. :)

I know why all the leaves change in the fall.

" And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays." - A Midsummer Night's Dream

I kinda just want to remember this quote, and if I don't write it down here, I'll forget for sure.

So really great weekend. My first kegger, it was lovely! I'll try and write more this week. Thank you life for being nice to me lately. I like not crying myself to sleep anymore. :) <3

Peace and love, and continued bliss, -Scorchy.

I just want to be okay, be okay, be okay.

This weekend was great.

Friday night was Jordon's. Good times with everyone and booze and jamming. Valentine's day with the ladies was the best ever. We had a hot waitor named George. Cosmos with Jordon after. Today Ashley, Jordon and I went skating. Buritto <3333. That's all I can say on that, hahahaa. Hung out with Jessika and Hillary today. Stood in Rex's garage, etc. Good times.

Sorry I'm too sleepy to elaborate on anything! So I'm going to finish up this cooler and head off to bed. Tomorrow is the new Family Day holiday, soooo I don't know what I'm going to do... But tuesday = hockey game and then skating at Joe Louis. I'm excited. :)

Peace, L O V E, and chins up. - Scorch.

Before it's too late...

So it's been a while, but I SWEAR! I can explain...

So I've been sick... basically sine Monday night. Almost a week now. So I'll recap this past week.

Tuesday, in the midst of a fever, I skipped school with Ashley, Jordon, and Sammy to go shopping and stuff. We all got our ears pierced. Good day overall, despite me being mostly miserable, (sorry guys!). All week I died at school. Friday I signed out after lunch because I was still fevery. Called off girls night on friday because I felt like poop. Saturday, I took my earrings out because my ears were swelling around them and it was gross and I didn't want to risk my ears falling off. Waste of $20. Oh, but I got accepted to the idiot program at St Clair. At least I have my backup plan for sure. Anyways, Saturday was alright. Went to Sammy's with Ashley and we all layed in her bed for a couple hours talking and coughing. And her mom is awesome by the way. Today I got up, felt loads better and started cleaning because tonight my mom comes home from Florida. I can't wait, I miss her! So much for the week of partying while she was gone, hahaha.

Anyways, I don't have anything really intelligent to say. Jordon is having a party this Friday, and us girls are all going out together on Valentine's day! YAY :D I'm super excited, I hope everyone feels good by then.

PS. I love when Buritto wears purple. <3

Peace and love, -Scorcheh.

My arms get cold, in February air.

On the contrary to popular belief, I do not need you.

Stop coughing please Laura, thank you. :)

I feel your eyes, 'cuz they undress me.

I can't stop listening to this song. "Body Language" by Heidi Montag. It reminds me of good ol' Shane Dawson of course.

So the weekend is over, and I'm tired, so this will probably be short. Josh's party was great, as always. Tacos were fantastic, though I only had one. Tonight, I went sledding and cappuccino-ing with my ladies, and it was great. :) I love happy highschool moments, you can never have enough. I think that's all I really have to say. Love my besties to death <3333.

P.S. Why did Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? .... Because she needed the other to moan, OHHHHHHHHH. God that's horrible.

Good night world, love Scorch.

Built to fade like your favourite song...

It's finally Friday, and I'm happy about it. Didn't do too much tonight. My mom leaves early tomorrow morning for Florida for a whole week, so I gave her a french manicure and had some wine with her. And also spent a good 2 hours watching Shane Dawson, LIVEEEEEEE, while talking to Jordon, who was also watching. Good times. He brings sunshine into my life. "How old are you again? Wait. Lie to me and say you're 18." I want to call him sometime... Oh, and another point to note, I had chinese food tonight, LOVE.

I'm really pumped, tomorrow Josh is having a party, and making tacos for everyone going. Score. Tacos are my fave. And I have a date there with whiskey and a 40 of cheap beer. Classy.

Also, extremely pumped for Tuesday. Skipping out with the ladies and going for Starbucks, shopping, laser tagging, movie, and more Starbucks! :D It'll be a fun day. And I need to go sledding soon. I LOVE SNOWWWWWW.

P.S. Obviously good mood. :)

Peace and love, - Scorchyyy!

Either way, you were going to break my heart someday.

So, I've been working on a song tonight. It's not much yet, but I'll finish it later I suppose. Here goes:

Everything I hoped for months ago, I've got
But it's not for me anymore
Thought that I was in control of this, and I fought
But what was it all for?

Because you'd never give in, and you'd never give out
For all your whispers, all I want to,
All I wanna do is shout:
That I tried to win you
That I'm trying to forget you


.... and I'm definitely not done.

Note to self: Start and finish Ashley's song.

Good night soon world, -Scorchy.

This is your time to weep.

Oh joy. First day of second semester. You know, I'm kind of glad that they didn't make the semester start on a Monday, because two days of this and I'm going to need that weekend to vent. So my first class is okay, history. Mr. Voy's hair is weird but he's still looking pretty fine, and Ashley is in the class, so that's fun. Should be pretty easy. Second period is where things get iffy. I walk in, realize I'm not going to have any friends in the class, and sit down up front. Probably a big mistake, seeing as that practically centers me out right away. Everyone is staring at the back of my head! And of course, to make it all better, Sunny is in that class. Positive to that though, so is Buritto. Meanwhile, the whole time I'm thinking, wow, if Sunny and I were still friends, I could have at least sat with him and not been alone, and thus also have been sitting by the hockey dudes which includes BURITTO. God damn my life. Oh well. Things never work out the way we plan them. New teacher seems pretty cool and nice. Decent looking too, but a little too short. Doesn't matter though if I'm sitting down. :)

Lunch, and then math. Math seems like it should be easy, and fairly fun. Same teacher as chem, and I've got Ashley, Josh, Rachel, and Marshall all in that class. Too bad Sunny is there though too. :( Ugh. Spare with Ashley, Rachel, and Tanya comes last. Pretty lucky there. But once again, I'm fairly sure he's there too. Fuck bitch, fuck! (Oh Shane ^_^)

So now I'm home, and I hate that all those thoughts of today come back down to him. It's not like me to be like this. I hate it. I hate this part of me so much. It's starting to get to me that I'm allowing it to get to me, and that frustrates me. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about the time when I wasn't at school for half a week because of the spray painting (if anyone is reading this who doesn't know me, my friend's psycho ex-boyfriend spraypainted on the school some vulgar stuff about me) and when I got back, he hugged me for a while and whispered that he missed me. And god I miss that. I miss how he smelt and how he felt (hey, that rhymes) and I miss the way he would talk to me and touch me. I know it all sounds so.... silly and trivial, but it meant so much to me. And it hurts to have that all taken away from me so fast, I didn't even see it coming. And no matter how happy I am, that's always weighing on me. And so I started to cry. And I kept crying, and everytime I stopped crying, I thought of another memory, and I'd go again. I know Ashley hates the term 'broken-hearted' and I kinda do too, but I don't know how else to explain it. I don't know what other words fit for how it feels. Kind of just hollow and empty. But amidst all of this bullshit, I also realized how great my friends are, and how much I love them, and how much they love me. And how they've always got my back, without me even having to say anything. And I would do anything for them. And then I cried some more, but I guess that was more of a happy cry. Weird night. Had some weird dreams. "Why are you being a bitch?" "Well why did YOU go after my boyfriend?" "YOU WEREN'T DATING, at least that's what he told me!" Oh Brittany, I wonder if we'll ever talk again...

Anyways, I believe this is far more than long enough.

Peace and love, and hope. - Scorch.

You're beautiful, every little piece love.

Soooooo, I never know what to put in these first journal entries... And besides, I highly doubt anyone will ever even read this apart from you, Sam. And even she might not read the loads of BS of plan to write about.

Anyways, it's kind of a nice feeling to start blogging/journaling again. I read some old livejournal entries dating back to when I was 14, and wow, I sucked. Such a loser. That's not to say I'm still not a loser, I'm just a more intelligent loser with a life, har har har.

So let's see. It snowed quite a bit last night, and now it's sunny and pretty out. I love the snoooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! And all I've done today is vacuum, shower, and play with Smokey (who's only the greatest cat ever). Oh, and I gave myself a facial! Whoever thought of putting oatmeal and other junk on their face to clean it was an odd one, that's for sure. But thanks, whoever you are.

I feel like putting cuccumbers on my eyes, but am lacking the proper equipment. *Britney Spears sad face*

Okaaaaay, well I think I've made this long enough considering I've written nothing. I'm thinking I want a cappuccino later.

Peace and love, - Scorch.