Oh joy. First day of second semester. You know, I'm kind of glad that they didn't make the semester start on a Monday, because two days of this and I'm going to need that weekend to vent. So my first class is okay, history. Mr. Voy's hair is weird but he's still looking pretty fine, and Ashley is in the class, so that's fun. Should be pretty easy. Second period is where things get iffy. I walk in, realize I'm not going to have any friends in the class, and sit down up front. Probably a big mistake, seeing as that practically centers me out right away. Everyone is staring at the back of my head! And of course, to make it all better, Sunny is in that class. Positive to that though, so is Buritto. Meanwhile, the whole time I'm thinking, wow, if Sunny and I were still friends, I could have at least sat with him and not been alone, and thus also have been sitting by the hockey dudes which includes BURITTO. God damn my life. Oh well. Things never work out the way we plan them. New teacher seems pretty cool and nice. Decent looking too, but a little too short. Doesn't matter though if I'm sitting down. :)
Lunch, and then math. Math seems like it should be easy, and fairly fun. Same teacher as chem, and I've got Ashley, Josh, Rachel, and Marshall all in that class. Too bad Sunny is there though too. :( Ugh. Spare with Ashley, Rachel, and Tanya comes last. Pretty lucky there. But once again, I'm fairly sure he's there too. Fuck bitch, fuck! (Oh Shane ^_^)
So now I'm home, and I hate that all those thoughts of today come back down to him. It's not like me to be like this. I hate it. I hate this part of me so much. It's starting to get to me that I'm allowing it to get to me, and that frustrates me. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about the time when I wasn't at school for half a week because of the spray painting (if anyone is reading this who doesn't know me, my friend's psycho ex-boyfriend spraypainted on the school some vulgar stuff about me) and when I got back, he hugged me for a while and whispered that he missed me. And god I miss that. I miss how he smelt and how he felt (hey, that rhymes) and I miss the way he would talk to me and touch me. I know it all sounds so.... silly and trivial, but it meant so much to me. And it hurts to have that all taken away from me so fast, I didn't even see it coming. And no matter how happy I am, that's always weighing on me. And so I started to cry. And I kept crying, and everytime I stopped crying, I thought of another memory, and I'd go again. I know Ashley hates the term 'broken-hearted' and I kinda do too, but I don't know how else to explain it. I don't know what other words fit for how it feels. Kind of just hollow and empty. But amidst all of this bullshit, I also realized how great my friends are, and how much I love them, and how much they love me. And how they've always got my back, without me even having to say anything. And I would do anything for them. And then I cried some more, but I guess that was more of a happy cry. Weird night. Had some weird dreams. "Why are you being a bitch?" "Well why did YOU go after my boyfriend?" "YOU WEREN'T DATING, at least that's what he told me!" Oh Brittany, I wonder if we'll ever talk again...
Anyways, I believe this is far more than long enough.
Peace and love, and hope. - Scorch.
